Genius, Un!
by YungVodkaDikost
Summary: In which four people are locked in a closet. Sakura's pissed. Itachi is brooding. Hidan is annoyed. Deidara is plotting. Pein is questioning his choices in life. And Kisame just wishes Sakura would kiss somebody before they are trapped in this godforsaken closet forever. Once they were out of this closet, Deidara was soooooo dead. Rated for language, because it's Hidan. *Complete*


**I don't know what it is about me and writing random ass one-shots lately, but I'm kind of liking it. I'm a chapter and a half ahead on Heartbroken so I figured I'd just write this little doodely. If you haven't read my story Heartbroken, I highly suggest it. I've heard it's pretty good haha!**

 **Anyways!**

 **I do not own Naruto or its characters, just the plot to this story.**

 **S Lyubov'yu,**

 **Casper.**

* * *

He was a genius, an absolute genius. One day the gods would sing his praises and worship him for his genius. Okay, so maybe there was a chance that he was going to be brutally murdered later, but it would so be worth it. At least, that's what he told himself. Women would one day flock him and men would worship the ground he walked on, at least they would. If he survived.

"Let me out, motherfucker!", an enraged roar tore through the room.

Deidara sipped his tea, smirking into his cup at the predicament his friend was in. Pein could be seen across the room, asking himself if being their God was really worth it.

"Well, I mean, I don't really mind being in here.", a deeper voice pipped up, followed by a pained moan when they were suddenly hit in the stomach with a chaka laden elbow.

"You! Find a way to become Zetsu and merge with the fucking walls! There's not enough room in here as it is!"

"I know, I can feel every curve of your body and I don't even have to touch you. Rubbing all over me like a little pervert."

The sounds of a sharp slap rung out through the room before Itachi cut through the room with a sharp voice.

"That was me, Sakura. Your aim disappoints me."

"Oh.", Sakura muttered,"Sorry Itachi, I was aiming for Hidan."

"I'm not letting any of you out before you resolve your issues, un!," Deidara called out in a sing-song voice, silently enjoying his friends' pain. But they didn't need to know that. He sipped his tea casually once again.

Pein stood in a corner, forehead against a wall, completely reevaluating every choice he had ever made in life. Did he regret becoming this villages God? If just running this organization caused him to question his sanity, was it really worth trying to take over the damn world. He mentally watched as all of his dreams flew out of a metaphorical window.

"Why am I even in here?!", Kisame complained loudly, but ended up being completely ignored. None of this even had to do with him!

"This is too god damn small. Fuck ow, who's on my damn foot!", Sakura screeched, she suddenly felt herself being pushed up against something and promptly squealed like the little girl she denied that she was on the inside,"God damn it! Itachi, a little light here?!"

"Hn."

It was silent for a moment before a small sizzling sound could be heard.

"JASHIN DAMN IT MY HAIR!", Hidan screamed, causing Sakura to scream and begin beating him over the head with her sleeve in an attempt to put out the small bonfire that was the priests hair. Itachi calmly put out his jutsu.

"Hn."

"Why do I get the feeling you did that on purpose?!"

"Hn."

"Children, fighting is not going to get us out of here any sooner. But I think I have a solution, Sakura is you will.", Kisame sighed.

"Try it and Hidan and Itachi will beat your blue fishy ass.", she growled.

"We will?", both men in question asked.

"Yes! You will!", she cried.

"Oh."

"Hn."

Pein was on his knees at this point, close to tears at the thought of everything he had worked so hard for vanishing before his eyes.

Deidara chuckled sadistically to himself.

"I don't see what the big deal is, Sakura, just kiss somebody.", Itachi sighed.

"Not going to happen! You kiss someone!", she snapped.

Though nobody could see him in the dark, Itachi blushed.

"Just kiss somebody, bitch!", Hidan cried.

"The rules didn't state that I had to kiss somebody! Two people just needed to kiss, there's four of us! Two of you make out and leave me out of this!", she shouted heatedly.

"WHAT?!"

"I am not kissing that Uchiha bastard!"

"I will not be kissing another man"

"Fine.", she groaned,"Kisame, get your groove on and make out with one of them."

"Well, would you look at the time."

"DON'T YOU DARE!"

All three men groaned.

"Kisame, hold her down.", Hidan demanded.

"WHAT?!", Sakura screamed.

Both men outside winced under the sheer volume of her screech.

"This is rape, damn it!"

"No it isn't now hold still!"

"Abuse! Sexual Assault! Harassment!"

"It's a kiss, Sakura.", Itachi sighed.

"It's being forced!", she yelled.

Before any of them could continue arguing, the door to the closet swung open and the four tumbled out of the closet in a very un-ninja like fashion. Deidara chuckled at the pile of ninjas currently dog piled on the floor in front of him. All four ninja quickly untangled themselves and jumped as far apart from each other as humanly possible.

"I...", Hidan began in a disturbed voice,"have been DEFILED!"

And with that, he took off like a bat out of hell to pray his new found gayness away.

Everybody looked around, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Caught him unaware.", Kisame cringed before promptly walking out of the room in search of bleach and other toxic chemicals. All the therapy in the world would help him recover from this.

The two remaining ninja turned and glared darkly at the blond bomber.

"Well, seeing how you guys are free now, I'll just be on my way, un...", Deidara stated before promptly turning at running as fast as his legs would carry him.

Itachi and Sakura turned to each other and nodded before taking off in a dead run after the blond.

"YOU ARE SO DEAD!", both cried as they ran after the former Iwa-nin.

Nobody had even realized that their supposed Godly leader was in a withering puddle of self pity in the corner of the room.

* * *

 **Ha! Don't even know where this shit came from but I got a good giggle out of writing it.**

 **I hope you enjoyed it just as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

 **Please leave a review, follow, and favorite if you enjoyed!**

 **Until next time!**


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